I am writing this as a diary for my two young children who are currently one and three in the hope that one day they may come across it when they are old enough to understand what is going on in what is the present time for me but will be the unknown past for them.
As all stands right now all the future is unknown for my young family who I love more than anything else in this world. No love of any other human being can be compared to the love of a parent for thier children and how much they would sacrifice to enjoy, embrace and see all thier childrens dreams come true. If any one had of told me just five years ago that I was to have two children a girl age three and a boy aged one by the time I was 23; I would not have believed them. Sure my relationship with thier mother started very quickly and soon we were parents at a young age, but I would not have given that up for all the money in the world. Although this is not the life I had been planning through high school I could not imagine it any other way. In love with a woman of my dreams, two beautiful children who mean everything to me, I thought I was the luckiest man on earth to have stumbled across the purest, simplist things in life. It hasn’t been easy, families cost, but it is worth it when your two children come up to you and want to sit on your lap just to give thier Dad a big cuddle, nothing can mean more than that from your children, or anything in life. As I said families cost, financially it was hard, but it gets easier. I gave up my studies to provide for my young family as I knew it would be difficult earning a living while studying and raising a family, so I got what work I could, which every unskilled job is always minimum wage which at this stage in time was about $9 an hour which equated to $300 a week after tax, my partner only got $70 aid and things were tight to say the least. When $210 is rent for the week, the rest quickly goes in power and petrol and food for the week. I found myself not eating no more than dinner cause I knew for one thats all we could afford for me to have for my family not to go hungry ever and two its the only meal I couldn’t miss without it being noticed by my partner. To say I lost some weight is an understatement, my job at the time was very physical working in a dispatch receiving area of a large store, the lack of food cost me 40kg, which I had never changed weight ever before in my life it also cost me energy. I realised that this option was not goiing to be sustainable for long as it could kill me, the only option was to save money on rent, so for my family and I, it was a dairy farming career to pay the way. I had grown up on farms as my parents were share milkers so the work was no supprise to me, I worked hard and long hours progresed in this field and then moved on to work for a larger farming operation for so far the nicest boss I have ever had. I worked nearly 80 hours a week but it was worth it to see my family happy without any financial burdens or worries. The time away from my family was hard but I worked hard for them knowing that I was doing my best to ensure we had a good future, in a way I suppose I was sacrificing the now for the possibility of a bright future. But all my work must have caught up with me, the long hours I suppose, I’m still not sure what it was, the day was no different form any other but at about 5 in the morining going for the second herd of cows to milk the bike gave way and sent me through a fence post, now I had never broken a bone in my life to this point and when I came to 3m into a paddock to the side of the race with the bike still on the race, blood in my mouth,on my face and I stand up and can feel my leg burining and arm feel like it has been ripped off and looks bent, I don’t know what had happened to me, I just saw the new row of posts we had put in that my arm must have hit and the post was snapped off groung level. Stumbling to the shed to find someone at 5.30am is not what I had planned for that daybut here I wasin the most pain I have ever been in, eventually an ambulance comes to take me to hospital, they drug me up with Nitrous Oxide then slowly onto morphene. I had dislocated my shoulder and fracture the ball which had disloged, over the nest four and a half months I had surgery (ORIF), lots of physio and also retraingin for a future job to hopefully bring my family a better future while I had the time to study. I am regaining use of my arm, but it is slow and painful sometimes, I have nearly finished retraining into CAD which is what I started out trying to get into after high school. Today my partner who I love came to me and said that she had sought legal advise for custody of the kids as she is not happy, instead of coming to me and talking to me about any issue she has, after seeking legal action cannot tell me why she is unhappy. I have always viewed that since having kids my main family is my children and partner who I have dedicated my life toin every aspect, sacrificing so much along the way. Yet my partner puts her mother and step fathers needs and desires before her own imediate family that she helped create. Now I am here, in my house, alone, with all my families belongings and memories, hopeing they will come back tommorow as promised to start working things out for the better. But I am not hopeful, as I fear this might be the last day that I got to spend with my children knowing that we have a loving family to be proud of and many years to cherrish in the future. I love you both, your mother too….. I always will